This analysis aims to understand the causes and significance of familial tension and violence in Eritrean and Ethiopian households by analyzing interviews for immigrant parents and diaspora, focus groups composed of immigrant parents, and survey results from the diaspora. 

Cultural Disconnection

As discussed in existing literature, cultural disconnect has the largest impact on increasing familial tension and violence in immigrant households. This research adds to the discussion by identifying cultural misunderstandings between immigrant families and their diaspora children as the culprit for sparking cultural disconnect. As illustrated by Petros (32), cultural disconnection stems from differences in upbringing, he specifically focuses on intergenerational differences stating that the Eritrean and Ethiopian diaspora were raised in a different technological and cultural context from their parents causing vastly different views on relationships, expenses, lifestyles, and goals. This is reiterated by the survey results in which 81% of respondents stated experiencing difficulties talking to their parents about relationships/ dating, 71% about mental and physical, 71% about personal issues, and 64% about drug and alcohol usage. For Eritrean and Ethiopian immigrant parents this trend is explained by their attempts to balance their western and non-western identities (focus group one), subsequently forcing them into the ‘borderlands’. Immigrant parents who struggle to balance their multiple identities are particularly susceptible to increased familial violence as they relentlessly abide to non-western cultural practices and enforce these differences onto their children. This trend is iterated by (Derby and Foner, 2011) which concludes that immigrant parents believe western culture and media corrupts their children as well as participants in focus group one who urge new moms to stay home and raise their children or risk influence from western media.  

In addition, Eritrean and Ethiopian culture revolves around perfection, and it's this cultural demand that increases familial tension and violence. For the diaspora, the Eritrean and Ethiopian cultural mentality is rooted in ego as iterated by Petros (32) and Yohanna (33) who believe pride and ego must be disposed of, from both the diaspora and immigrant parents, for families to freely express themselves. Petros (32) further argues that “Eritreans and Ethiopians try to be perfect for the community, they need to let their guard down.” This quest for perfection is largely displayed through strict gender roles and family structures as Eritrean and Ethiopian culture is largely rooted in patriarchal values (Berhane Selassie 1984:4). For example, Yohanna (33) recalls a more seamless relationship with her mother, accrediting any difficulties she experienced in her relationship with her father as a result of cultural expectations rooted in patriarchal violence. This is reiterated by Petros (32) who acknowledges the privilege his male identity allowed him in his navigation of the culture and relationships with his parents. 

Cultural disconnection stems from a larger issue of miscommunication and misunderstanding between immigrant parents and their children. As explained by Petros (32), Eritrean and Ethiopian cultures are rooted in elder respect, and as a result children challenging their parents or practicing their agency are met with consequences. Yohanna (33) further explains this trend by highlighting the restrictive parenting styles of Eritrean and Ethiopian immigrants, arguing parents will disregard their child’s autonomy and agency by refusing to engage in discussions other than education and adopting a “do as I say mentality”. For Yohanna (33), this disregard in a child’s interests or experiences prevents fruitful child-parent relationships in the future as most youth and young adults avoid their parents. Petros (32) reiterates this trend by saying kids become discouraged at a young age and lose interest in their hobbies or activities because their parents do not engage or encourage them. For immigrant parents however, the purpose of their migrancy was to ensure their survival and continue to support their families in their country of origin. Subsequently, a child’s interests or activities become less urgent when faced with economic, citizenship, or familial troubles. 

This trend slightly changes among the Eritrean and Ethiopian diaspora adults as they become equipped with the resources to establish stronger relationships with their parents; however, childhood communication patterns remain intact. The survey results reveal an increase in communication as the diaspora grew older; however, many stated limitations to their communication as a result of assumed lack of parental understanding (86%), possibility of a lecture or discipline (91%), and general discomfort (64%). In addition, a gender divide presented itself in the data as 42% preferred communicating with their mother compared to 7% with their father, 26% with both parents, and 23% with neither. For Yohanna (33) this trend is explained by a linguistic disconnect between immigrant parents and the diaspora; however, existing literature ascribes the disconnect to fathers’ limited participation in childcare (All4kids, 2023). 

Identity Struggles & Acculturation  

The second emerging theme concerns identity struggles and varying acculturation by immigrants and their children. In regard to immigrant parents, the data distinguished language, mental health, adapting to western gender norms, and economic disparities as the prominent struggles present in acculturation. As discussed by Nasier (57) nothing prepared him, and other immigrants, to western culture, and seemingly miniscule changes such as public displays of affection, language, and food hindered his transition. The couple Amir (55) and Salem (55) share similar experiences stating that struggles with acculturation exacerbates their mental health issues subsequently increasing alcohol consumption, domestic violence, gambling, and suicide as the community has limited resources and support. 

Acculturation and assimilation practices of the diaspora reveal similar patterns of struggle and misunderstanding from their parents and peers. Since children of immigrant parents are the first in their lineage to navigate American life from childhood to adulthood, they remain stuck in the ‘borderlands’. This trend is further explained by Petros (32) who recalls growing up differently from his peers, expressing sentiments of “feeling stripped of a childhood” because he needed to care for his younger siblings. This is reiterated by literature which finds children of immigrant parents to carry the bulk of household responsibilities including paperwork, financial support, and child management. In addition, Petros (32) discusses the difficulties of recognizing his differences from his peers, mentioning that he was jealous of his peers whose parents understood the cultural significance of certain toys, clothes or activities. As a child he expressed frustration in his parents’ lack of cultural understanding stating, “A lot of frustrations of things I wanted and how it should be, but your parents wanted a different life for you, compared to my peers at school and community, which heightened his emotions.” These emotions are reiterated by Yohanna (33) who believes that Eritrean and Ethiopian children carry a hybrid identity, one relating to their peers in school and one that appeases their parents and fellow community members. These differences in navigating the world for the diaspora is responsible for increased household tension and violence as children of immigrants want to be understood and are attempting to fit into a world that does not share similarities to their experiences. 

Community Involvement

The final theme emerging from the data reveals the significance of limited community involvement in increasing familial tensions and violence. As discussed by McMullen (2021) access to strong, like-minded communities are crucial in the success of individual families as it resembles the economic, physical, and emotional support present in immigrants’ origin country. Subsequently, without community an immigrant’s stress and loneliness increase and their access to resources decreases, negatively impacting the household. Yohanna (33) reiterates the importance of community involvement for immigrant families by urging new immigrants to connect with people who share similar values, stories, and experiences.